


Between a Buck and a Hard Place

by JustSmileStuffHappens (ksz13)



Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [27]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Doubt, Gen, Locked In, Near Death Experiences, Original Character(s), Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22433536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksz13/pseuds/JustSmileStuffHappens
Summary: Prompt: contrary to popular opinion, Buck doesn’t have the highest of self esteem. So the time after the lawsuit is his most difficult time, trying to deal with the harsh comments and constant put downs.  It puts buck in a dark place and he considers leaving it all Behind because he can’t take it anymore
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Everyone, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Buddie / 9-1-1 Prompt Fills [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582147
Comments: 7
Kudos: 322





	Between a Buck and a Hard Place

**Author's Note:**

> https://justsmilestuffhappens.tumblr.com/post/190492752128/prompt-contrary-to-popular-opinion-buck-doesnt
> 
> *i can't deal with this anymore so I'm letting it loose y'all can deal with it. 
> 
> *also if they wanted suicidal buck this time think again
> 
> *and i had to have them helping him because he deserves it all nice things for him

**_Between a Buck and a hard place_ **

Buck was back. Back scrubbing and organizing. But if this was all that stood in his way then he'd tackle it head-on. 

"Why did Bobby take him back? He's just a waste of a team slot." Quinton said to Vicky.

"Bobby just feels responsible for what happened to him. Can't let him fly the coop because who else would take him." Vicky said above the railing.

They didn't know that buck could hear every word as he buffed the side of the fire truck even harder. He made sure the thing was spotless even if it'd come back wet from rain and a little muddy. It was something to do instead of sitting around on his ass as he'd been forced for months. 

Chimney whistled. "Looking good buck. Could brush my teeth in front of this." He said before going to help Hen check the ambulance stock.

"Hey Buck. Don't forget about the stockroom okay." Eddie reminded him as went upstairs to get a drink after a workout. Like buck could forget it.

They came back later with the engine looking like it was run through an obstacle course. Buck didn't see it till he was done with the stockroom. He was finishing it up as Vicky came with a drink.

"Bobby's worried you'll dehydrate. Drink a damn Gatorade." They held the bottle open for Buck to grab. Buck grabbed it too late as they'd already let it go. It spilled a blue splash that streaked from the floor to the truck. "Shoot. My bad, I'll get another one."

"No. It's fine Vic. Just tell him I drank it." Buck went back to cleaning the truck as it'd help clean the floor by pushing the drink into the drain. They were at least considerate enough to take the empty bottle as proof.

* * *

Everyone was gone as Buck's inspecting the spare equipment they'll be alternating to at the end of shift. It's all that's left to do before they leave. He was putting up the last box as someone came running in.

"Help!"

"What's the problem ma'am?"

"My daughter, she's sick. Her stomach. We were just walking." A girl was coming in slower obviously in pain as buck ran over. 

"Alright. When did it start? Are you on any medications." Buck had basic training but the others are on their way. If they're weren't there in a few he'll drive them himself.

"I just suddenly felt like this. I'm trying to walk off my fat. I'm not on any drugs!" She screamed as a thought passes Buck's mind.

"I need you to be honest with me. Is there any possibility you're pregnant?" Buck asks earning a scoff from the mother.

"She's a virgin you asshole!" Buck tunes her out to listen to the girl who has to be in highschool and looks worried. "I had sex once. But that was a long time ago and we barely did anything." The girl says.

"Ok. I need you to breathe. I'm gonna try to time your contractions. My team will be back shortly. You can squeeze my hand."

Just then Bobby and Eddie were coming back in the truck with Hen and Chimney not far behind them.

"Buck, what's happening?" He's already saying as they pile out.

"A baby. She didn't know." Buck's thankful for the them. He'd helped in delivering before but he'd had back up then. Bobby takes charge as the mother begins talking.

"Eww. We are not having my grandchild, which I still don't believe Phoebe's pregnant, inside of a dirty warehouse."

"Ma'am this place is spotless. And it's better here than on the street. This baby is coming now, there's no time for debate." Bobby said as he orders buck and Eddie to get blankets, towels, and water. 

Chimney and Hen were finally falling in. Hen was running over as Chimney parked. The girl is screamed as she finally delivered a healthy baby. The mother eyed Buck like he was the reason all this happened. "What's your name?" The girl asks. 

"Huh? Buck. I mean Evan, sorry."

"I'm naming her Evelyn mom." Phoebe says looking at her baby.

"Alright sweetheart. Thanks for making this place decent Evan." The mom says before they're taking them to the hospital.

Once it's just the three of them Buck breaks down crying.

"She could have died. They could have died," buck's holding the mop in a death grip. He's not sure who he's saying it to.

"You handled it. We just got here to help. Cap says you've done it before." Eddie said throwing all the towels into the laundry.

"But I panicked. I was working on autopilot. I've never delivered a baby alone. People always helped me before. I'm not trained like y'all are." Buck wrings out the mop in the bucket.

"You would have been fine. She was just scared and the baby was okay. Take the win Buck." Eddie says going into the changing room. But Buck can't because he should be better. He needs to be better.

* * *

Buck was practicing getting his gear on like chimney suggested. He refused to tell him though. He'd thank him in some offhand way later.

He could barely shave off 15 seconds instead of 30. He gave up and decided on checking the stockroom to get acquainted with memorizing the names, uses, and placement of the equipment that he could be asked for outside of the usual ones he already knew.

Buck was past working down from the chest height shelf when someone slapped his back. Hard.

Buck grunted but held back the yelp.

"Hey Buckley. Passing time? Don't let us catch ya jerking it at work. At least not alone like a loser." Yancy said as they hit his back again.

Buck was close to asking what was wrong with them.

"Oh Lil Bucky, dinner is almost ready." Sidney said from outside the door. "Hurry up. You can't get lost in here right? Still know your way around or do ya need a map?"

Buck was gonna reply back rudely in answer when they left. 

The alarm went off as buck on instinct went to join them even if he hadn't been on a call in so long. That was when he noticed the door was locked. But the door shouldn't be able to be locked without a captain or maintenance key. "Guys." He heard them moving to get in their gear and on the truck. "Hey!" Buck was suddenly in the dark. "No.Come on! This isn't funny." Buck banged on the door. He could probably break it but he was fine and that'd just give them something else to hate him for. Buck had just started to think they were warming up to him again. He was alone, in the dark, starting to get cold, and hungry. The worst part was he did have his phone but who would he call. The others were on the truck. Buck wouldn't bug Maddie when she had her own life. He got up with what was left of his battery to try continuing what he'd been doing before being interrupted so maybe Bobby wouldn't mind since he was trying to be produced. He wouldn't be cleaning up the place or getting the food packed away to keep it warm.

Buck was getting ready to move to the next shelf when he noticed the smell. His light carried along the floor to a puddle that was still growing bigger close to the door. 

"Fuck." Buck looked between the door and the shelf to his side. He grabbed a clean rag to cover his mouth as he looked to see what it was. The white container read ammonia.

"Shit." Buck knew he had to get out now. The room was big enough to move in but it was spreading into the closed area. To make it worse, they didn't use domestic ammonia theirs was for industrial purposes with all they dealt with. He went back to the door to try forcing the handle. When he was sure it wasn't going anywhere he started bumping it with his shoulder. He dropped the towel into the liquid cleaner that was evaporating as he continued his efforts even kicking at the door. Buck had no doubt he'd have new bruises from all this as he charged the door with his shoulder. But buck would rather be alive to be yelled at than found dead from suffocation. 

They tried to kill him. He was going to die. They hated him. He hated him. Everything was running around his head too fast and Buck couldn't catch a second to breathe.

Buck launched all six feet two inches of his body into the door as his eyes burned and he was coughing now. His vision was starting to tunnel as he finally pushed the door open.

The fresh air felt cold to his heated skin from his exertion as he continued crawling away from the stockroom gasping for breath.

"Buck?" Hen asked as they were getting off the truck.

He must look fucking pathetic. Crawling around like a dumb kid, some damn baby. Buck was ready to be laughed at. He was ready to be thrown out. Maybe this was a sign flashing, screaming, slamming into his face to leave and not come back.

"Ammonia!" "Lock-?" "Room." buck just heard words as he couldn't see past his tears yet. He felt a hand over his mouth. Why were they trying to strangle him? No wait that'd be suffocation or no maybe smothering? God, buck just couldn't do anything right today. Even thinking was hard.

"Buc- oxygen- -kay?" Hen said. Hen was cool. Why did she have that look on her face? She was fine. Oh wait. She was upset because he was stupid. Right? That's it.

"You're not stupid. And I'm not always cool but thanks."

Buck could hear shouts now.

Why wasn't Bobby yelling at Buck yet? Was he warming up his vocal cords to make sure Buck heard it in his next life?

"You'll be okay now Buckaroo. We've got ya?" Chimney said somewhat far off. But Buck could swear he was right beside him and Hen.

Everything went black for a while as the next thing he knew he was sitting upright against the wall with the O2 mask still on.

"He's coming around Bobby." Hen said while buck's eyes still hurt. His throat felt a little tight and dry still.

"What- hap- -un?" Buck looked at the other's around him.

"Officer's are questioning Yancy and Sidney now. They'll be getting your statement when you're back to yourself." Bobby said with a worried look.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause problems. Are they here to arrest me? I'll pay for the door. I didn't want to. I was scared. Couldn't breathe." Buck got out as he started coughing again into the mask.

"Buck what-? You've got nothing to be sorry for?" Bobby said.

"Just yell at me so it can be over with. Please?"

At bobby's shocked face Buck continued. "Am I not supposed to ask for it? My head hurts."

"He's been talking nonsense since we got here. We ought to get him to the hospital. At least to get him checked out if he starts making sense again. We don't know how much he took in or how long he was in there for," Chimney said as he and Hen helped Buck up.

* * *

The trip to the hospital was a blur as Buck was suddenly strapped down and his face felt a waterfall coming down but he didn't drown in it then a light was in his eyes and Maddie was there.

"Maddie?"

"Yeah Buck?"

"Are they gone?"

"Is who gone Buck?"

"The team, are they gone?"

"Yeah. They had to return to work."

"I don't think I should be a firefighter anymore."

"Why's that Buck?"

"I keep screwing up."

"What happened today wasn't your fault. Those assholes caused that. You're a great firefighter Buck." Maddie grabbed his hand. The bruising looked bad but it was either that or another blood clot.

"It wasn't just today. I'm only back on the job because they pity me. I should be better. I was better before but now I'm-"

"You're not broken. Or whatever word you might have thought. You're Buck. And you're a fighter that cares." Maddie felt better at the small smile that reaches Buck's eyes.

A knock interrupted them.

"Detective Dane. Good evening Mr. Buckley, Ms.Kendall ? If you'll step out for a minute so I can get his statement."

With Maddie out in the hall waiting on the phone with chimney they started.

"Why were you originally in the stockroom?"

"I was checking our equipment and tools, prepping for what could be asked of me when I was back in the field on a call."

"Who went to the stockroom with you if anyone?"

"Yancy was being a prick. Then Sidney came by too."

"Ok. Did you see who closed the door?"

"No. I went back to my reviewing before the alarm got my attention."

"And then what happened?"

"I noticed the door was locked. I could hear the others going by but I guess they didn't hear me, then the light was turned off. The switch is on the outside so I couldn't fix it."

"Along with the lock access?"

"Yeah. So I went back to what I was doing with the light on my phone but then I smelled an odor."

"And you identified what it was?"

"Yeah. Ammonia. We use it to shine and clean. It's strong stuff."

"And you're aware of its safety precautions?"

"Yeah. It's bad to breathe in and if it gets on your skin. That's why I broke the door down."

"So any firefighter would know what that would do and how to react?" The detective asked.

"Yes. We've all had turns using it at one time or another. Are we done?"

"One last question. Who was the first back to the station that you saw?"

"Umm. Hen. But it wouldn't be her. She and Chimney helped treat me before I was brought here." Buck said not wanting anyone who was innocent to even be thought of as doing this.

"I didn't ask that. Thank you Mr. Buckley. We'll seek you out with anymore questions. Your clothes and photographs of your injuries will be taken into evidence." Detective Dane got up and left.

Chimney came back in with Maddie.

"Hey Buck. You feeling better?" Chimney asked as they came over.

"I think so. Is Hen here, i gotta warn her and thank you two." Buck asked while going to get up.

"No, no." Maddie and him pushed Buck back down.

"Hen's here. She's in the waiting room with Bobby and Eddie. We just wanted to make sure you're up for it then we'll switch with them." Chim explained while Maddie nodded at him. "And as much as I don't say it you're more than a good firefighter you're a good person." Chimney looked at Maddie.

"You ready think that? Or are you just saying it because of Mads."

"I'm not repeating it. But it's true nonetheless." Chim cracked a smile.

"Thanks. I'm ready for them."

"Are you sure?" Maddie asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Buck said bracing himself. He'd let a few things slip.

Hen was followed by Eddie and then Bobby. They didn't crowd the bed and block Buck in.

"It's good to see you're doing better." Bobby said patting Buck's leg.

"You had us worried there Buck. It's nasty stuff but you'll pull through like you always do." Hen said in her seat beside his bed.

"They won't be doing it again. And if anyone tried that shit we'd stop them. I'm supposed to have your back." Eddie said while grabbing Buck's hand for a long unmoving handshake.

"About what you said."

"I was high off the stuff. I couldn't breathe right." Buck offered.

"That may be so but what you said was troubling. Aside from calling me cool." Hen said. 

"Buck. None of that was your fault. Even if you did knock it over in the dark after they locked you in it wasn't on you kid. One of us coulda checked on you before we left."

"No Bobby. Every second counts. I'm not having innocent people's lives put in danger for me. I wasn't your responsibility." Buck said.

"Yes you were. I gave Sidney the key to pass along to you which they didn't. I accepted you back. I kept you off calls to keep you safe when that put you in danger. I gotta take responsibility for what happens in my house or I have no right to call it my house. And I pride it on being one of respect. They twisted me keeping you off calls as a sign of weakness, a punishment, or some disliking of you when that couldn't be farther from the truth."

"You didn't know." Buck said.

"And neither did you Buck." Eddie butted in. "The situation happened because Sidney thought you deserved it. You don't. You weren't even complaining, well you did a little at first but you kept up with things. Buck you had the place fit for a baby that you could have delivered alone." 

"He's right. And you know it." Hen added as Eddie caught his breath.

"You knew what to do. You handled yourself. Sure you panicked but you didn't freeze. You calmed her down and got her ready before Bobby took over. You tried covering your face to prevent breathing it in and you busted out of there." Eddie look into Buck's eyes. "You were made for this. You're amazing Buck. Sure you could take more medical training but that just adds to what you can already do."

"You saved lives without the uniform or backup during the tsunami as a civilian. Buck the person is just as helpful and good as buck the firefighter." Bobby said.

"Does this mean I'm on calls again?"

"Yes Buck. Once you're out of here. But you're still on blood thinners."

"I know Bobby. I looked it up after they told me everything, you know that."

"For the record. You weren't back on my team out of pity. You'll be a great help back on duty."

"But who else would want me-"

"No Buck. You're in our firehouse on our team because we will have your back like no one else would once you're on calls again. And because it didn't feel right with you gone Buck. As much as we don't want you in danger at all, you being in danger without us is worse." 

"Thanks. I think I needed to hear that." Buck said releasing a breath. 

"So you're not quitting on us right?" Eddie asked. "Because I know that's not like you."

"No. You're all stuck with me. Whether you like it or not."

"Good." The three of them said in unison.

"Hen I gotta tell you-"

"Chim already told me. They're not gonna scare me. And I know you didn't tell them that because you think I'm cool."

"You're not gonna let me live that down."

"Not unless you think someone else is cool." Hen looked at Eddie then back at Buck.

Buck blushed but no one called him out on it. 

"Get better so you can see Christopher tomorrow. He's missing his hero."

"I suddenly feel like I have the strength to try walking again."

"Nice try but you're staying at least until morning. Me and Hen are gonna head out. See ya later." Eddie moved from the side of Buck's bed as Hen got up. 

It was suddenly only Buck and Bobby.

"You don't deserve to be yelled at, or hurt, or ignored Buck. If I ever do that I'd be in the wrong."

"I was just confused." Buck whispered.

"I don't think you were, not completely. And I'll do my best to prove what we said. I know we all will. Rest up Buck. You're back on calls in a few on your next shift."

It was like Maddie and Chimney knew to stay away because as soon as he was out they were back in.

"So, wanna try for millionaire or jeopardy. Loser buys dinner." Chimney asked as he turned on the t.v..

"You're on. But don't complain when I choose to crash a buffriday."

"You're always invited you just gotta bring a dish to share." Chimney said as he found the channel.

"No matter who loses I win. Now this is my kind of game." Maddie said joining in.

**Author's Note:**

> So this ran away from me sorry.
> 
> *forgive Buck and my medical or chemical inaccuracies


End file.
